Seems innocent enough.
But look closely. Don’t be fooled.
“Come and join us,” they said.
“It will be fun,” they said.
This apparent mummy Utopia had become my hell; my place of nightmares. Just thinking about it twisted my insides and my heart thundered. My mind would race ahead to images of blood, debris and destruction.
My children gleefully shrieked and ran towards the gates of the playground. It had become my arch-nemesis. You see, we had graduated from Mother’s Group cafe catch ups – the days when our little ones were safely secured in a high chair. The days when you could slowly sip on your coffee and not have to mop up spilt bubba-bloody-cinos. The days when sultanas were a much more attractive snack than mummy’s dirty Danish. Those days were gone.
No.
Apparently we had graduated into ‘activities’. Supposedly, a playground meeting was the next ‘logical’ step. Sure; with one child it was relatively enjoyable and a great opportunity to chat to the girls. And actually now, I am starting to get a bit of a groove on as my kids are getting bigger and I can relax a bit. But you see, I was the first of the group to have a second baby.
Apparently we had graduated into ‘activities’. Supposedly, a playground meeting was the next ‘logical’ step. Sure; with one child it was relatively enjoyable and a great opportunity to chat to the girls. And actually now, I am starting to get a bit of a groove on as my kids are getting bigger and I can relax a bit. But you see, I was the first of the group to have a second baby.
This.
Changed.
Changed.
Everything.
Daughter was off and toddling at ten months and my son was still only a toddler himself.
I just couldn’t be everywhere with both on the move.
I just couldn’t be everywhere with both on the move.
So this is how my visit to a playground used to pan out with two small
toddlers….
toddlers….
Amen. A fence. A fenced playground was essential due to the tendency of my children to make a break for freedom at any opportunity.
“Hi…Hi…You’re looking fabulous! Oh, he’s gotten so tall! Oh, you baked muffins….oh, sliced fruit…perfect.”
Shit…shit…did I even remember the kids water bottles?
Tissues….cover that cough up…did I bring any tissues?
“Don’t wipe it on your sleeve darling.”
“Sick? No; no. He’s not sick. Just the tail end of a little cold.”
The swings…Oh a queue for the bloody swings. Perfect. The only contained piece of equipment available.
“Over here darling. No; that’s for the big boys…no…the slide’s for sliding DOWN, not walking up…hang on…there’s kids coming down…no..stop…”
TEARS STRIKE ONE
“Big cuddle; you’re OK. Maybe slide down next time.”
“Has anyone seen my little girl? She was right here a second ago…Yep; that’s her, climbing up that…
STOP!
Wait baby, that’s too high! Too high…good girl. Wait for Mummy. No; woodchips out of your mouth!”
Wait baby, that’s too high! Too high…good girl. Wait for Mummy. No; woodchips out of your mouth!”
“Yeah; going great, thanks. So good to see you all. Been desperate for a bit of grown up conver…..”
Hey, hey! That ball belongs to that other little boy, sweety. No. We didn’t bring one.”
TEARS STRIKE TWO
Gee; this is so fun. Head count…one, two…good.
“So I was saying, I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all and having a chat about…oh shit…excuse me…”
OK; so you want to walk the wobbly bridge, when you’re already a wobbly toddler. Makes sense.
“No; you MUST hold my hand or you will fa… Upsy Daisy…wait… Mate; you are NOT a pirate! You do not tell others to walk the plank! Play nicely.”
Geeze; that is pretty high..wow…WAIT…the swing…the swing is free…Pounce; but walk, don’t run…really fast. Got it. Belt on. This should slow her down a bit. Breathe…
Snack time…great…I didn’t realise we were all bringing food…oh wait…I do have a sultana box in here somewhere and yep..a squashed muesli bar…well that’s mildly embarrassing…
“How about some fruit before the cakes, my darlings?”
Nah..too late…
“Chew slowly, please. One at a time. Sit down, kids, sit down like the others. Say thank you; oh…wait till you’ve finished eating.”
Heck…just go play again!
“STOP!
Don’t run in front of the swing! ooooooooo…ouchie”
Don’t run in front of the swing! ooooooooo…ouchie”
TEARS STRIKE THREE
IAM OUT!
“Oh girls, it was so good to see you. I really enjoyed the catch up.”
Hardly spoke a word to you. I miss that!
I was genuinely desperate for your grown-up company.
I was genuinely desperate for your grown-up company.
“Yes. We are leaving…NOW! I’m counting to three… 1 – 2 – 3…I’m
leaving…bye…. shhhh…if you leave now without a fuss, you can have a lolly..OK…shhh.”
leaving…bye…. shhhh…if you leave now without a fuss, you can have a lolly..OK…shhh.”
Hats, coats, drink bottles, and yes, kids…all accounted for. Drag them across the park…avoid dog shit..too late…into car…buckled in….EXHALE.
“Well, kids, that was …fun..”
“Teddy! I forgot soft teddy,” wails my son.
You.Are.Joking.Me!
Is it tomorrow yet?
Share the love :
