SO YOUR FRIEND JUST HAD A BABY….

We just welcomed twins into our extended family. Two beautiful, healthy babies and I love them both fiercely already. Husband and I were so excited to meet these little people. However, the minute we swooshed in through those sliding doors into the beige, calm foyer, with the obligatory fish tank to our right, my stomach somersaulted me right back to my last birth. The antiseptic waft, the hum of the air conditioning, the crank of the cake trolleys and nurses in their homy peds squeaking along the polished floorboards; I was astounded at how quickly this channelled such intense memories and emotions. I clutched my small bouquet and parcel close and wondered had I done enough? Was I ‘ready’ for this visit?

Does it get any cuter than this??

What should we do when our friend has a baby?

This is hugely subjective, clearly influenced by the health of the mum and new baby, and dependent on your relationship with the baby’s parents, but here are my DO’S and DON’TS of celebrating the storks arrival….

DO put together a care package just for mum. The baby gift can wait (ooops…does that sound selfish??? Enjoy it whilst you can, mumma!). Include a selection of all the things women crave during pregnancy. Sushi, soft cheese, chocolate mousse, sparkling wine and a deli meat and salad roll were amongst my most salivated fantasies. Watch their face light up as they chomp on down.

DON’T visit the hospital unless you are very close. After my first baby, I was battered, bruised, exhausted and emotional. I no more wanted random visitors than a poke in the eye. If you do plan to visit, text first and give them the option to say no (& don’t be insulted if they do). Please give them some time to feed their baby, brush their hair and be wearing more than a maternity bra. For some women (Me! Me! Me!), especially with their first baby, whacking their boobs out in front of some visitors and trying to feed with absolutely no real success, was mortifying and stressful.

DO cook and deliver food to the house. The friend who came bearing a Hungry Jacks bacon deluxe burger (extra magic mayonnaise/no tomato) is totally my friend forever and another who bought muffins and a cafe hot chocolate is still my darling!! But…lasagna, soup, cooked chicken…bloody superb. Anything that can be frozen, easily reheated and a full meal that doesn’t need too much extra attention is magnificent! If you can’t cook (me), plan a big cook-up for the weekend when Jamie (Husband) Oliver is home.

DON’T bring your young children to visit in the hospital. This is obviously
dependent on each kid, but I found it sooo stressful when my own son came to visit. Obviously I missed him desperately (they don’t tell you about that new feeling of Mummy separation anxiety, do they…?), but, oh, the temptation for toddlers to hit pinging buttons and curly cords! I was on edge the whole time. A new mum does not need any more undue stress caused by your snotty, germy, over-excited child. Then there’s immunisation issues… (oops; whole new Pandora’s Box right there).

DO visit your friend at home when she is ready.  Again, arrange the visit in advance and don’t text at the designated time to say you are hugely late. After you have cooed and hugged and chatted, DO offer to hold the baby so she can take a long, hot shower…or just be able to sit…alone. If the baby cries, try not to throw it straight back…chances are she may not have the ‘quick fix’ yet either….
But please note : If you do show up late (or even if you are on time), if that baby is asleep DON’T expect that you will automatically see it; you may be lucky to get a peek. Suck it up.

DON’T interrupt her telling of her birth story to emphasise how much worse or better your experience was. I believe every new mum needs the opportunity to debrief to someone when she is ready. You’ve had your turn; zip it! Only provide input when she is finished and you can offer support, encouragement or an explanation.

Really, the most important thing a new mum needs is a cuddle and someone to tell her she is doing a great job. Maybe you can be that person for your friend. Just remember, be ever so grateful when the day does arrive to hold that new baby in your arms….even if you have kinda forgotten how to hold little bubbies….and you go all un-co when someone tries to pass it to your ‘wrong’ side… and they are so tiny and precious…and you forget you need to support their head…and they cry the minute you hold them…’cos remember…this time you get to hand them back….

Aaahhhh bless.

Welcome to our wild and wonderful world, twinnies. xx