MY SECRET LOVE AFFAIR…..

Red leather.

G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S

I googled various outlets, kept a keen watch out for a sale (insanely overpriced) and then I pounced…well…waddled (I was heavily pregnant at this point)…but it smelt good and it felt good; firm, yet luxuriously soft on my shoulder. It also had cute compartments for my keys, purse and phone; all the essentials.
It was perfect….come to Mumma…certainly, here’s my credit card…KACHING!

Nappy bag; TICK.

This was not just any nappy bag my friend, this was my first, true baby. My biggest concern in this fantasy world of ‘lead up to baby’ was that I believed it was hugely important to ensure that my nappy bag was as close to a handbag as possible. Yes; this crap consumed a major part of my brain pre-baby.

No soft padding or teddy bears were allowed to be in sight. I mean, I may be a mummy, but I didn’t want to look like one. I thought a ‘stylish’ nappy bag was truly essential and worth my precious consideration; a statement, in fact, of my intention to stay ‘real’, to not become swamped in mumminess, to show I could be both a mother and a funky, independent woman. Perhaps it did do some of those things and dammit it made me feel good when I slung it over my shoulder (and I am all for anything that just gives you that little feel good jump on the day).

Just on a side note; this was Husband’s version of a’ nappy bag’. Whilst I was sweating on spare socks and yoghurt, he would calmly breeze out the door like this.

But in what seemed like just
a few short months, that divine leather bag was permanently smeared in
vegemite, lined with biscuit crumbs, overflowing with wrappers and receipts,
stained from tipped drink bottles and hiding tiny toys that my child couldn’t
find and certainly couldn’t sleep without. And to think one of my purchase
criteria was whether or not it had an adequate pocket for my mobile phone?

Soon this bag was bulging with wipes (yes; sometimes used), rattly toys and at least two sets of clothes (for those nasty, explosive down the legger surprises and the other for just…well..just in case). Nappies were crammed in and sultanas had flipped their lids, been scattered throughout and forgotten in an instant. The lining became torn as I desperately did blind shove-ins whilst grasping for sticky hands.  The leather had started to peel along the edges and that glowing, glossy, red was beginning to fade. Another
baby meant doubling the volume (though I was slightly more savvy now), but I was still lugging about two lots of nappies, snacks, drink bottles, spare
clothes and favourite toys. The strap didn’t feel quite so comfortable anymore and I resented dragging it on my shoulder every time we left the house.

As we all know, when we’re not watching, time ticks over fast.

I recently piffed that torn and tattered bag into the rubbish bin without ceremony.

Despite this, I can’t help but remember the time my little fellow knocked his ‘big boy’ cafe milkshake right across the table, drowning my fancy bag and my even fancier friend’s silk blouse. Memories of slinging that bag down in my mother-in-law’s hospital room as she devoured her only grandchild’s happy shrieks, oblivious to the sadness surrounding him.

Memories of cramming that bag with a breast pump, hooter hider and a bottle of wine as I bravely ventured out for a girly lunch in the early weeks.

Memories of proudly dragging that bag and each of my precious babies home to the country to meet their grandfather for the very first time.

Memories of our babies very early years; the time when they were dependent on us for everything.

However, I must admit, I let it go with a big exhale of breath and a weary smile. It was just a bag after all. It reflected a time when my world was really just about me. A time when I believed that ‘stuff’, like a bag, was a ‘big deal’. Mind you, I still like a nice handbag, but it is not a priority consideration at the moment.

And now? Now I have my little family.

But sometimes, I live on the edge. I take inspiration from Husband, go a bit crazy, and hit the playground with just two kids and a set of keys in my pocket.

WILD!