Withthe risk of sending you blindly screaming from this blog with cold sweat prickling
your spine, I cannot let the holiday go past without sharing a little of my ‘choice’
observations with you.
Let us begin with the Christmas shopping, shall we….
If
you are that smug mummy who had shopped, wrapped and stored away all your
presents after the July sale, then stop reading…immediately…I do not know
you… but I know for sure you are LOST.
you are that smug mummy who had shopped, wrapped and stored away all your
presents after the July sale, then stop reading…immediately…I do not know
you… but I know for sure you are LOST.
Stupidly,
I thought I was mildly ‘organised’, until December 22nd when I
performed a stock take. I pooled the gifts scattered in hidey holes around the
house and realised I was being a tight wad. Maybe it was the twinkling lights,
or the carols playing, or the wine that kept arriving in my glass, but I
decided I needed to hit the shops the next day…plus I still hadn’t bought for Husband yet. Multiple, specialist shops; two kids; mad traffic and
kazillions of shoppers also high on holiday spirit and limited time. Christmas joy. Not.
I thought I was mildly ‘organised’, until December 22nd when I
performed a stock take. I pooled the gifts scattered in hidey holes around the
house and realised I was being a tight wad. Maybe it was the twinkling lights,
or the carols playing, or the wine that kept arriving in my glass, but I
decided I needed to hit the shops the next day…plus I still hadn’t bought for Husband yet. Multiple, specialist shops; two kids; mad traffic and
kazillions of shoppers also high on holiday spirit and limited time. Christmas joy. Not.
And
so there I was; stuffing sultanas in mouths whilst hearing the various merits
of a crepe pan. They were bored; I was bored; and so it began…literally
pinning 4 arms to two bodies as I saw all the glistening glass items throughout
the store just twinkling away within tantrums reach.
so there I was; stuffing sultanas in mouths whilst hearing the various merits
of a crepe pan. They were bored; I was bored; and so it began…literally
pinning 4 arms to two bodies as I saw all the glistening glass items throughout
the store just twinkling away within tantrums reach.
I felt like Mr Bull in a China
Shop.
Shop.
The ‘helpful’ sales assistant saw my desperation and went in for the
jugular. The Christmas bonus ‘ka-chinged’ in her eyes.
jugular. The Christmas bonus ‘ka-chinged’ in her eyes.
“Would
you like the most expensive brand we have?” she said? “I see you wrestling
those kids; would you like that with gold lining?”
you like the most expensive brand we have?” she said? “I see you wrestling
those kids; would you like that with gold lining?”
“Sure!”
I spluttered earnestly. “Swipe away! How quickly can you bag that and get me
the hell out of here?”
I spluttered earnestly. “Swipe away! How quickly can you bag that and get me
the hell out of here?”
It
is at this point that ‘budget’ went out the window and I felt I was a winner on
one of those game shows, who races through the shop, swiping shelves
haphazardly into my trolley. Suffice to say; the son received two ‘novelty’ watches
and two different costumes at Christmas.
is at this point that ‘budget’ went out the window and I felt I was a winner on
one of those game shows, who races through the shop, swiping shelves
haphazardly into my trolley. Suffice to say; the son received two ‘novelty’ watches
and two different costumes at Christmas.
And
with a guzzle of Baileys and a kiss under the mistletoe, Mr and Mrs Claus
retired for the evening, fantasising about no night time wakings…close, but
no cigar.
with a guzzle of Baileys and a kiss under the mistletoe, Mr and Mrs Claus
retired for the evening, fantasising about no night time wakings…close, but
no cigar.
And
with a shiver of tinsel, it was Christmas Day.
with a shiver of tinsel, it was Christmas Day.
Squeals
of terror or joy that Santa had been; (hard to differentiate), ripping paper
could be heard throughout the city of Melbourne. All that research, shopping
and time spent wrapping gifts was literally decimated in minutes. As quickly as
my son switched between Optimus Prime and Ben 10 as his all time faves;
presents were done for another year.
of terror or joy that Santa had been; (hard to differentiate), ripping paper
could be heard throughout the city of Melbourne. All that research, shopping
and time spent wrapping gifts was literally decimated in minutes. As quickly as
my son switched between Optimus Prime and Ben 10 as his all time faves;
presents were done for another year.
Then
came the moment when I realised that a chain saw was required to pry these
gifts from their box; or that the cost of batteries required, tripled the cost
of the gift. Aaahhh boo…bah humbug!
came the moment when I realised that a chain saw was required to pry these
gifts from their box; or that the cost of batteries required, tripled the cost
of the gift. Aaahhh boo…bah humbug!
But, on a brighter night, might I add, I COOKED A MAGNIFICNT MEAL! ME!??
I planned it, shopped for it, cooked it and delivered
it to the decorated table. Bonbon crowns were ripped within minutes, unfunny
jokes became funny, another plastic thimble was ‘won’…(seriously…join me in
the movement for #freshvodkashotjellybonbons …I would happily pay more!)
it to the decorated table. Bonbon crowns were ripped within minutes, unfunny
jokes became funny, another plastic thimble was ‘won’…(seriously…join me in
the movement for #freshvodkashotjellybonbons …I would happily pay more!)
 |
| The definition of patienece…cruelty having to wait! |
 |
| Husband loved it! |
Speaking
of which, quite a hot afternoon meant I had to remain hydrated at all costs;
but it was also to dull the pain when it dawned on me that food coma Christmas
Day naps no longer existed in our household.
of which, quite a hot afternoon meant I had to remain hydrated at all costs;
but it was also to dull the pain when it dawned on me that food coma Christmas
Day naps no longer existed in our household.
No.
3pm
is now peak trampoline rush hour it seems.
is now peak trampoline rush hour it seems.
But
it was glorious.
it was glorious.
As
I lay on the couch on vomit watch again that night (BBQ garlic prawns for dinner and a
gluttonous two year old; bad mix it seems), I realised that no re-runs of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
could truly dampen my Christmas glow. We had made a special memory for our
babes; truly, ‘The Most Wonderful Day of the Year’…(and if you didn’t sing
that a little in your head, I don’t know you…).
I lay on the couch on vomit watch again that night (BBQ garlic prawns for dinner and a
gluttonous two year old; bad mix it seems), I realised that no re-runs of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
could truly dampen my Christmas glow. We had made a special memory for our
babes; truly, ‘The Most Wonderful Day of the Year’…(and if you didn’t sing
that a little in your head, I don’t know you…).
But
now….
now….
Whose
sick sense of humour is it to place New Years (& its resolutions) so hot on
the heels of choc fest?
sick sense of humour is it to place New Years (& its resolutions) so hot on
the heels of choc fest?
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