Kids say the darndest things, right?
All those ‘cutesy’, mispronounced words, or funny little nick names for their siblings, or how they like to point out the elephant in the room that we adults try so hard to ignore.
I really love getting a giggle from this.
Except when it’s my bloody child, LOUDLY, in public, and their understanding of remaining ‘PC’ is Positively Cringeworthy. Because we all know, sometimes honesty is FAR from the best policy.
So it began like any other day.
Although, hang on, that’s not quite true. Because it was the morning of swimming lessons and some of you may have read my take on that. It started with the morning scavenger hunt for the goggles which had been slotted somewhere mysterious since last week, followed by the sudden realisation that I was meant to buy more swimmer nappies before today, and rounding up predictably with my sons sudden aversion to the lion towel that he had loved so much the previous week.
Suffice to say, it was not starting well.
We arrived at the pool.
The footpath glittered brightly like an oasis as I shepherded the two apparent escapees making their last break for freedom through the hectic carpark. We made it. But of course, they then decided to drag their feet. Right alongside a large lady. OK; an exceptionally large lady. Obese even. A fantastically brave lady, bringing herself for a swim.
Oh the sweat is prickling my spine in the shameful retelling of this story. Surely you can see where this is headed?
So my 2 1/2 year old lined herself up to walk alongside this woman. She beamed brightly up at her. She even threw in a few twirls just to impress. Her smile was wide; radiant, even.
“Haven’t you got a lovely, round, fat tummy,” she pointed out loudly, just in case the lady herself was not aware.
Oh when was that hole in the ground opening to swallow me up?
She is articulate, my daughter; I’ll give her that – three adjectives. If I wasn’t squirming in shameful agony, I would be impressed.
It wasn’t received well.
This woman, who possibly needed courage to be there that day, spat back at my daughter, “Yeah; well I just call it fat.”
And my girl beamed happily and twirled again, because in her little world, she had just made a brand, new friend in this grown up who had just acknowledged and spoken to her.
If only I had left it, but as we parents often do, I flailed wildly for something to make this moment ‘better’…less awkward, as we continued to walk alongside each other. It was like a slow march to the guillotine.
And what poured out my mouth?
“Out of the mouths of babes, heh!”
Which roughly translates to, “Well, she speaks the truth. You are very large indeed.”
No hole in the ground saved me that morning, but incredibly, at that very moment, I noticed an imaginary piece of nothing hanging off my daughters jacket, which required immediate attention. I dropped back and kept my red face low.
Kids say the darndest things, right?
My kids are flippin’ experts.
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