I really hope you haven’t been here, but I think you might have.
Have you experienced that moment when you charge into your bedroom, slam the door behind you and weep on the floor with frustration, resentment, anger and sheer bloody exhaustion? You plan on allowing yourself just 5 minutes… just a breather…just a circuit breaker; but then there’s a little tap on the other side of the door and your tears become guilt driven and twisted with shame.
Surely we all have those days when it’s 8am and you have sent him to his room twice, the toaster setting was moved and you are wildly swatting at the smoke before you set the alarm off? The mornings you have gone to put another load of washing on, only to discover you haven’t put the last lot out and it’s now smelling festy? The days when the petrol light is on, you have two kids in the car and you were due at swimming lessons NOW?
Here is just a small selection of the moments that have very nearly brought me to the edge…
- When the iPad charger broke and it took nearly a week to replace it. (crap story; bought the wrong one, couldn’t get to the shops…)
- When I discovered I was out of kids Panadol at 2am.
- When the husband kept getting home from work at 7pm and wanted to play wrestle mania with the kids.
- When the milk poured out like yoghurt even though it was still days away from the use by date, and the kids only wanted cereal for breakfast.
- When I ran the bath and they wanted showers.
- When that $10 robot from Kmart looked cool in the box, but had the most annoying sound, no volume button and he loved it.
- When my daughter’s shoe disappeared into thin air, 5 minutes before we needed to be somewhere 5 minutes ago.
- When the queue at the Post Office was crazy and all the toys lined the aisle on kid level.
- When she totally said she wanted vegemite toast, and then insisted she wanted jam.
- When I set up the play dough; the hair cutting salon, the rolling pins and cutters and all the other paraphernalia, and the whole activity kept their interest for 5 minutes.
- When he kicked his shoes off after pre-school and obviously an afternoon in the sandpit, spreading sand everywhere.
- When the DVD in the car was scratched, it was the only movie they wanted to watch, and we still had 150km’s left to go.
- When I forgot to put the wine in to chill and it hit 5pm.
- When the husband insisted that he told me he had a big bike ride scheduled for the Saturday morning and it was not on the calendar.
- When the kid’s hairdresser asked if I had a new baby at home.
- When all they wanted to eat was chicken drumsticks and Woolworths had sold out.
- When he wanted to do bloody craft again.
- When we went to soft play and he waited till that moment to announce that he was too big to play there anymore.
- When all the other mums at the playground were ‘fun’ mums.
- When they guy at the shoe store could not give a damn about whether this was my first time buying school shoes and went back to stacking shelves without helping with size or choices.
- When I forgot to take a ticket at the deli and could not understand why everyone was being served before me.
- When I got all the way to the register and discovered the milk had been leaking.
- When I pulled some art work out of the pre-school bag and it showered my carpet and everything else in glitter.
- When my husband told me at 5.30pm that his mate was no longer coming for dinner.
- When the kids finally went to sleep, I popped on Orange is the New Black, feet up, wine in hand, and someone screamed out that they needed to go to the toilet.
- When I finally resettled them and discovered the husband had eaten the last of the dark chocolate maltesers.
- When, surprise, surprise, all of a sudden I felt fat in my ‘go to’ dress.
Sadly, painfully…I could go on.
This is real life.
These are the days of clock watching reality when all screen time bets are off and you cannot bear the thought of another long, damned day like this.
Don’t tell me I am blessed to have them. Don’t patronise me. I know this; I do. SO.BLOODY.LUCKY.
Don’t tell me it will pass in a blink of an eye. I know this, too.
Just send me a funny text out of the blue.
Ask me out for a drink or a movie or both; let’s lock in a date.
Remind me that you hear me; that you get it; that you have also been where I am crouching behind the door.
Tell me that I am doing a great job and my kids are happy, well adjusted and kind little people.
And if all else fails, send vodka; and you had better make it the good stuff.
Now, please excuse me whilst I go and hang that load of washing out.
