COMMUNITY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Please take note :
Never, NEVER stop a parent on a mission in a shopping centre with a stroller.
For your own safety, let me share something with you.
Step the hell aside. FAST.
To all you tin rattlers, pop up store owners, restaurant spruikers, whimsical window shoppers; whatever you may be, clear the way, my friends. Do not wave all buddy-buddy like and faff about smiling at them and asking them to chat for a minute. They do not have a minute. I know you may have a worthy cause, but believe me, this will not register.
Here is why.
When a child is strapped securely in a stroller, time is of the essence.
There is only a very short window that a child will happily remain there, unless you are ‘blessed’ with a sweet little sugar dot. I am not. I have an energetic child with a strong and feisty temperament who is rarely appeased with inactivity. If I have successfully got her secured in that stroller, I promise you, I will not be stopping for anyone; no one, no how. Not to idly comment on the weather, not to look at your amazing deals, not to discuss your charity (sorry; for this one, I am sorry) and certainly not to stop to check out why you have waved at me like an old friend.
Here is how I roll.
I like to fancy myself as a glass half full kinda gal and live in hope, so each time I head to the shops I lug that burdensome stroller along with me, hoping to capitalise on any signs of weakness from the delightful terrier in the back.
Depending on how desperate I am for her to get to sleep at a reasonable hour that evening, I may trade this sanity for an hour ticking jobs off at the shops. If it’s the morning and she is looking sleepy, it is all systems GO!!! If I get that angel in the pram, her belt is on, and her eyes are drooping, I have fire in my feet. I am off! I am astounded just how many people wish to politely ‘bother’ me.
MY CHILD IS SLEEPING! GREEN LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT!!! PLEASE STEP ASIDE!
Do NOT come near me with excessive noise.
Do NOT assume I am frittering my hours away casually strolling about for a little window shop whilst the child sleeps.
Do NOT leisurely wander in front of my path.
Do NOT, under any circumstances (mmm…unless my skirt is tucked up in my knickers), stop me.
AND EVEN MORE URGENTLY :
If my child is awake in a stroller, well…that holds an even bigger risk factor. My angel is like a ticking time bomb. Before too long she will realise that the world is big and shiny and full of fragile items placed within her reach. Anything that sparkles and smashes is a fave. She will scream to be released. Now if time is limited, the finish line is in sight, but I have just one more thing to do, letting the child out is simply not negotiable.
PLEASE LET ME THROUGH.
Do not throw me puss face looks of disdain for keeping my daughter in her stroller as she loses it. Have you seen the pace a child will move when you are in a hurry? If I cave; if I allow her to ‘win’ with her melt down, I may as well set up camp in the K Mart toy aisle, because we will never see the light of day again.
And finally; if I have actually made it to the supermarket for that one last thing…if I am there to simply grab bread and milk (and maybe some dishwashing tablets, some meat for tomorrow night, kids toothpaste and garbage bags…oh and what else have I forgotten???) and the child is screaming off the charts, please don’t stare at me. Please don’t judge me. Here’s a thought, if you’re not in a rush, how about you let me through before you?
I appreciate that everyone’s time is precious, it’s just that mine comes with its own squawking backing track on full volume and constant repeat; please heed my advice today, my friends.
For your own safety; let me pass.
Please.
