What MAFS Has Taught Me

Right now I am in the final death throes of a little something I call MAFS Fatigue. (For those who have been under a rock? MAFS is “Married At First Sight” – a reality show on the box at the mo).

I came late to the party, but…have mercy on my exhausted soul, I have absolutely overstayed my welcome. And the worst part? I cannot rip my bloodshot eyes off it.

Don’t you judge me.

Don’t flick the eye roll and consider how vastly superior you are for not watching ‘that trash’. I consider myself a relatively intelligent woman, and I watch reality TV to switch my busy brain off. It is called entertainment. And my word, it has certainly been an entertaining ride. Further, I am tipping, if you have read this far along, you might just be a MAFS sucker yourself….

So here are a few things that watching this series of MAFS has taught me.

All the good stuff goes down right at the moment the kids need to go to bed. In particular, my kids clearly have an aversion to staying in bed on a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night. Go figure. Their last minute, ‘oh, but I REALLY need to go to the toilet’ wander through the lounge room always coincides with swearing or sexing.
I will never be able to use the word INTIMACY again in my life. It feels like each ‘contestant’ has been contractually required to use this term a certain number of times throughout each interview. Quite frankly, I don’t actually want or need to know if the deed is done. A pash, a cuddle and some cheeky, suggestive eyes tells me pretty much all that I actually need or want to know.
I am sticking with humanities. The world of science has left me clearly more baffled than normal after this round of series stats spat out this group of couples. Science…Ppffffttt!
On that note, in the previous series, I swallowed this gob shite. I was a starry eyed, hopeful believer. I gulped down this science possibility. I mean why not? But sadly, this series reminds me of playing the card game of “Memory” with my kids. You know the one where you flip over two random cards and see if they match? It’s as good as….
No. ‘All’ people are not cheaters. Really?
More is NOT better. Why, WHY is there so much focus on make-up? Why are these beautiful, fresh faced women caking crap on their face SO much, that we get an actual little shock when we see them without it? Heidi-your glitter eyes are an exception and I love you more for being unique and true to you. And…ummm…all these morning ‘just woken up’ shots with lashes and lippy? Nah. I call BS.
Kindness should never be under-valued.
Whilst I perhaps would not choose this forum to find my soul mate, that is my call. Plus, I am not in the same position as many of those still looking for love, so I may not objectively be a good judge on that – perhaps they were once like me, too, and were believers in the past series. But I simply do not understand the idea of outing one’s virginity on TV. OMG- call me a prude, but this was INTIMACY chat overload, that came way too close after dinner time.
All this talk of love, and truth and lifetimes has wreaked havoc on my own relationship. I cannot wait to reclaim the couch with my husband again, though it is just in time for bloody footy season, so I guess I will be losing out moving forward. BUT all these evenings in front of the TV? I miss my own husband. WAIT FOR ME, LOVEY…I AM NEARLY BACK!!!
There is simply so much I could say about the individual characters, but that would be seriously disappearing down waaaayyyyy too many rabbit holes and I don’t really want to sit all high and mighty and drag others down. But know this; violence is appalling – no excuses. EVER. And just being funny later and saying what we are actually thinking still does not make it acceptable.
You will never find a partner if you are not truly ready. Why are they putting really young people on this show? Your 20’s are such a fun time to meet loads of boyfriends/girlfriends….I have just been confused. Why oh WHY are these young’uns getting married? AND… being encouraged to do so by the 3 older people who should know better (and a bag load of producers and executives)? Ohhhhhh….*drop the mic (no…not that Mike, but now that you say it…)..I see…because some of them clearly ARE still shopping and WOW this whoops up those ratings.
Alcohol can be a truth serum.
What is an expert? If you have job in a particular field, can you be called an expert? Am I an expert wine connoisseur, just because I like to drink it and talk the talk? I am BAFFLED and a little bit saddened if truth be told.
If I don’t mention the word GASLIGHTING in this piece, I may not be taken seriously. So there it is.
I do love Cam and Jules. OK, so I said I wasn’t going to call out people individually, but it’s like having a beautiful crystal vase of incredible roses in the middle of the table and not mentioning them. Yes, their lack of drama perhaps didn’t make good telly, but they are my last ray of hope.
I love my husband. I really do. And I absolutely don’t even remember the first time I saw him. I certainly did not fall in love with him. The concept is madness. But thank you, MAFS, for reminding me I got a good egg.
And ummm…..Chrissie Swan…got room for me at your MAFS cocktail party this Friday night? I promise I will keep (some of) my opinions to myself….