As I lay awake staring in to the dark at 3am Sunday morning, I began my usual routine of ‘thinking’.
You know, about ‘things’.
All of the THINGS.
This can range from a sudden urgency to confirm when the Library books are due back, to the expiration date of the milk in the fridge, to wondering why my 6 year old’s front tooth is no longer wobbly and is jutting out a little sideways.
Sunday morning, however, was a doozy.
I actually got to wondering about why I spend so much time ‘wondering’, and…well…this blog post was born.
Mistakes are ‘character building’, or so they say. I must be one, quirky character!!!
Here is my incomplete list of absolute mistakes you will make as a parent. I can vouch for every single one of them.
- It can happen on any given day. Regardless of how well organised or outright amazing you are as a parent, you will experience a change table wipe out. That moment that an almighty baby bottom explosion has occurred, you have two wriggling feet gripped tightly in one iron fist in the air, the baby is violently thrashing on the change table, the fear of the absolute, diabolical all over SMEAR is real; you grasp blindly with one hand underneath the table for the wet wipes. There…no there…no…you lift an empty packet up. No, no NOOOOO!!!!! Out of wipes. Gone. This, my friends, is a mistake that can scar you forever.
- You will believe that with Baby #1, everything must be brand spankin’ new! Damn the expense. Surely you cannot put a price on this stuff? Well, actually…yes you can. There are perfectly good items that you can buy second hand that will enable you to buy more cooked chooks and lasagnas once that babs has arrived. Babies fly through every stage. Things like bassinets, cradles, rockers and baby clothes, are sometimes barely used and you might just find yourself a fabulous bargain if you keep your emotions in check. Do it.
- Whilst the actual making of this next mistake does make me smile, it also sends shivers down my spine. It WILL occur on your first night of freedom post kids. The night you have dreamt about in like forever; makeup, heels, music and ALL the bubbles, BECAUSE dammit, you deserve this! You will own this night! You are free! You are still soooooo cool! Look, you are FINE! One more drink won’t hurt! But I promise you, my darlings, it bloody will hurt. That first night on the tear after kids, is all an illusion that we CAN actually have it all. But no. When that baby siren sounds in the wee hours, there ain’t no Maccas delivery or arvo kip anymore.
- My sister tells me I get 3 photos; and this is a great rule of thumb. As a parent, you will become a chronic “over sharer”. You will be so damned proud and astounded by all your little cherub does, that you foolishly think the whole world thinks so to. To all those who share full holiday albums to FB; just don’t. If you think your BFF wants to hear all about the kids bowel movements, you are mistaken. And I must admit, I do like a good birth story, but choose your audience carefully.
- On the ‘over’ theme, you will now officially “over think” everything. Mostly at night, in the dark, when you have no one to bounce these thoughts off and sleep simply will not come when you need it the most. This mistake is actually cruel. Especially regarding medical issues for both you and your kids. You will hit up google, despite being told not to, and you will find hideous, terrifying diseases that match the symptoms. You will also take simple comments that a friend, teacher, stranger, relative, someone on FB, ANYONE has said, and you will turn it upside down, inside out, analyse it, poke holes in it, add 1+1 together and get 3… You will watch a documentary on TV and decide this, too, could happen to you and your family. All I can say is, I do it, too. Just breathe…and do not bottle stuff up.
SO. MANY. MORE!
But, no time….
Rather I might spend the next little while worrying why people haven’t liked this blog post yet…? Are we still OK? Have I said something..?
But no, actually…I need to get to FB to upload a stack of photos about the kids (excluding their tantrums and wrestling) and I really must google why my son’s tooth won’t just fall out and why my ear is constantly aching.
Over and out.
