‘APPARENTLY’ THE B52’S “LOVESHACK” DOES NOT MAKE THE GRADE…

I am a teacher.

I critique.
I educate.

I analyse.

I encourage.

I reprimand.

I redirect.

I care (and I did so much more! All hail the teachers!)

I also wrote reports. Loads of them.

Now it’s my turn.

(Think I might be missing my ‘before kids’ job…)

In order for Anna to progress forward in her current position as Mummy in an upright and satisfactory manner, it is imperative to review and consider both her strengths and weaknesses.

Though Anna has clearly completed all her research and homework in this subject, it is an area requiring a great deal more practical application. It has come to my attention that on occasion, Anna sips coke from a mug in order to hide her soft drink weakness from both her children and Husband. Under no circumstances are Twisties an acceptable meal replacement and wine cannot be considered a fruit.

Anna has an incredible ability to switch in to Spellbound mode. Exchanges between herself and Husband regularly do not break flow as key words such as  P.L.A.Y.G.R.O.U.N.D, M.O.R.O.N & B.E.D.T.I.M.E are peppered out across the room over the heads of the children…and sometimes the Daddy. Her use of colourful language is questionable. Using the “but I’m half Irish” card does not make ‘feck’ acceptable in any exchange within the home.

Anna’s dogged
commitment to perfecting ninja bed exits each morning are to be commended. The ‘slide, drop and crawl’ model has been innovative to say the least and generally this has lead to success in departing the room without waking the toddler. Her swing pushing motor skills are above average, especially her rhythmic, tandem patterns. I believe you may soar to exceptional heights in this field, Anna.

Balloon play and finger painting is not something to be feared and avoided at all costs. Rather Anna must aim to ensure more group participation in these valuable developmental areas of ‘fun’.

Watching The Bachelor cannot be considered a true field of anthropology. Further, experimenting with various sound effects on your sat nav for a giggle, does not constitute geographical research.

‘Wondering where the day goes’ is a simple, mathematical equation. It is not rocket science, Anna. It has simply GONE; therefore it has been subtracted from the total hours in the day. You do seem to have a good grasp of addition when
analysing the scales, though your handle on fractions appears problematic, usually resulting in one portion larger than the others when handing out chocolate.

Your afternoon kitchen dancing has vastly improved. It is a pleasure to see the smiling faces and hear the laughter coming from the group participants. And yes, we certainly agree TayTay is an excellent choice to shake that day off. However, we do question your choice of the B52’s Love
Shack as an effective lullaby.