THERE WERE THREE IN THE BED AND THE TIRED MUMMY SAID, “WHO EXACTLY IS THE BOSS HERE?”

There.

I’ve said it.

Everyone to their own and I know that co-sleeping is certainly gaining momentum.
But for the others, don’t tell me not to beat myself up about it, because I do. In my eyes, I know it’s not ideal and I feel pretty gutted when I see the flicker of “FAILURE” cross people’s eyes when I tell them. They mean well, but the little after thought comment of, “Well; whatever works for you,” is slightly patronising. However I will admit I am also actually jealous of them and their big grown up beds. Truth be told, I have found myself in this position because we are slightly lazy…not in a ‘bad’ way; more of a ‘Mummy
needs her sanity’ way.

You see, we fought a terrific battle with our first born. I had time. I had energy. I had high expectations. I did bed time routines, warm baths, night lights, night patting, room temperature checks, comfort crying (or whatever it’s called nowadays). I was firm, but fair. He was a good sleeper, but then again, he always was. We got used to our baby boy who slept through the night from early on. I was all over it. Smug, condescending…my eyes flickered “FAILURE” towards other Mums with coffee stained teeth, red rimmed eyes and twitchy laughs.

And then baby girl joined the team. Luckiest. Family. Ever. I say that with my heart falling out of my chest, because she fills the days with, “I wuv yous”, impressive eye rolls and the best car dance moves I’ve seen yet.

But….

Baby girl is not a sleeper.

Even in those first six weeks, where they apparently just feed and ‘sleep all day’, she fussed and cried and screamed and stared wide eyed back at me. I even needed to ask for assistance getting her to sleep in the hospital. Me! The self proclaimed ‘mummy expert’ and once ‘baby whisperer extraordinaire’ (after one child of course!). Even my sister, the ‘true’ baby whisperer, wrapped her, cooed at her, rocked her and looked at me in wonder. And just to mix it up…boy child…You know…the ‘through the night sleeper’? Once babs came home, he decided sleeping was over-rated and
wanted to get on board. Big boy wanted cuddles; yes, he ‘sensed’ a change, he wanted Mummy…I got it, but I was too bloody tired to deal.

My Angel and her own baby…apparently SHE sleeps.

For twelve months, we were the walking dead. Day became night; night became day. We showered, we rallied on, we functioned and babs thrived. We worked hard on teaching our angel to sleep alone… I crossed the darkened hallways from one kid to the other and patted and paced and sang and googled what to do in the depths of the dark hours. Night was to be dreaded; but we inched through. Once night feeds were weaned, a little energy was restored and ‘stability’ sort of returned, but…her nightly battle raged on.

Which brings us to where we are now. We hit winter. The old flannel dressing gown didn’t cut it and be buggered if I was going to sit in the cold and dark and shush and pat. I was plain bloody tired getting up to two kids. Husband; fabulous daddy that he is, does his bit, too, but the night time squawkers mostly want mummy. Big boy is much better now, but little girl not so; simply put, I would rather shush and pat within arm’s reach in my own warm bed. I know it’s a short-cut, but at least it’s a sealed road. We all manage to get some sleep and I have found it extraordinary how many friends now actually share with me that their kids regularly hop in bed with them. After a long, tortuous stand off every night, we do manage to get her to fall asleep in her own bed, but after that?…once we are all tucked up in bed?…all bets are off. If she needs us, she’s in. We can all pat, cuddle and snuggle up…sometimes I am frozen in position for fear of waking her and that sux big time (but the physio likes it).

However, in the spirit of honesty, I have grown to love that pudgy little hand reaching up for my face in the night and that foot that regularly sits right on my spine. If she’s not there, I’m a bit lost. I can’t help but fear the night that my little angel won’t be there anymore; she will become my big, brave girl and want to hang out with her brother in her own bed….one day…soon? Maybe? Maybe not? I am so craving that bliss of uninterrupted sleep…but is my heart prepared for her to not need me so much? Man this stuff is hard..I guess this blog isn’t called Mummy Muckups for nothing.

So here’s cheers to all you folks playing midnight bed shuffles. Let us applaud each other for doing it all differently; whether it be considered the ‘right’ way or perhaps the ‘wrong’ way; by the book, or not. Rather, let’s just roll with *safely, happily and with love.So I propose a toast to our spirited, energetic kids and to us; the night cuddlers.

* Please note the recommendations in relation to SIDS and bed sharing :