Yesterday evening, I momentarily believed that I had outdone myself. I had shopped, chopped and plated up like a Masterchef. I had considered my children’s likes and dislikes, planned a healthy, balanced meal, (chilled some wine) and…‘hel
And so it began…dinnertime wrestling…
ROUND 1
Tears…already.
My daughter clipped her head on the side of the table whilst climbing on to her booster seat. She was too quick for me and I was still back at the bench, relishing the imminent ‘big reveal’.
I pushed on…
“Ta da!!! Dinner is served, “ I announced, excitedly.
Tears…second bout.
“I don’t like pizza. I’m too tired. I feel sick. I’m full.”
My three year old used up all of his excuses within the first minute.
“But look….! Look at Pizza Man’s big smile! He likes you!”
I beg. I plead. I bribe. I insist.
“But I hate mush(v)ooms,” says he.
“But you LOVE cheese,” I said. See my clever distraction technique?!
“Hate cheese,” he slumps. Actually, he’s right; my daughter loves it…but push on…
“Hot! Hot! Hot!” squawks my daughter.
My children seem to have an aversion to anything that is marginally over lukewarm. I collect plates back up and bang them in the fridge.
Now…how tokeep them in their seats for the next two minutes…?
Now…how tokeep them in their seats for the next two minutes…?
ROUND 2
“Old McDonald had a farm…” I warble.
“I want the iPad,” he demands.
At our house, at dinnertime, the iPad definitely goes down….off..OFF I mean…
It is at this point that I need to evaluate the day I’ve had, in order to decide whether to gather my strength for the ensuing battle. Do I make a stand? Do I fight or do I give in and save this battle for another day?
‘Just be consistent…’ slides into my mind…I know this…I’ve read the books…I’ve googled ‘dinnertime tantrums’…But I am tired…It’s been a long day…Is it too early for wine..? But no...NO. I will not let these toddlers beat me..(not tonight, anyway).
“What was your favourite part of the day today, my darlings?” I sing, as I set down the now cold pizza (home-made, remember…).
See my work here..? I am staying bright and cheery… I am engaging them in discussion…self lead topic choice…giving them some control…
“iPad!” says he.
“Treat!” says she.
ROUND 3
Unapologetically, I begin the bribery technique.
“If you have three more bites, you can have a Peppa Pig after dinner.”
“OK, OK…if you start eating you can move to the grown up chair.”
“If you just try that mushroom, you can have two bedtime stories.”
And suddenly….
“Hurray for you! Good kids!”
You ate one stinkin’ mouthful….Wild applause to accompany my fake smile…
You ate one stinkin’ mouthful….Wild applause to accompany my fake smile…
But…hang about…it’s working…a new game..?
“One more bite…YAYYYY!!!” Wild clapping for everyone!
Now they’re on!
Eating, cheering, clapping. Water is tipped over and streaks across the table…BUT I DON’T CARE…hell…let’s clap for that, too!
KNOCKOUT
Winning! Pizza is eaten…well…partially…close enough. Success.
For tonight.
Now I just need to find that treat, put on Peppa Pig, get two books ready for bedtime…possibly even one of my own kidneys was promised during negotiations…but I’m thinking they won’t hold me to that.
Nearly there…
Now it’s just bath and bed…
Oh Lord give me strength….
Or, in this instance, a glass of wine might suffice, heavy on the
pour….
pour….
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